Saturday, April 13, 2013

Pets n things

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled* as it came!

Michele and I were discussing possible pets that we might allow our children to own. (Personally, I wouldn't mind avoiding the whole pet thing altogether, we already have a pet named Madeleine, a person-pet. But after three and a half months, I guess the novelty's worn off.)

Michele really wants a dog. I don't. I like animals that stay in cages. I don't like animals that desecrate both hearth and home. Michele's parents have a very special dog named Jasper. He can only turn left. Michele's parents make a special effort to clean him every time we visit, otherwise Michele's eyes turn an angry red and she can't breathe. Jasper loves human food, especially cheese, but he has also has quite a tooth for products from Victoria's Secret (and used baby diapers... ughhh!) Michele finally found the perfect dog last spring in Tennessee, a cute little Yorkie... that ate our camera charger! Since Michele wants a beautiful home full of nice furniture and undevoured undergarments, that means no dogs.

When I was a kid, I had a hamster. Hamsters are great! They are fuzzy and adorable. You can spend egregious amounts of money on elaborate hamster tunnels and habitats and then watch the creature run to and fro. Who needs a McDonald's playplace? (Although hamsters seem to chew holes in the tunnels a lot faster than toddlers do.) Michele hates hamsters. They are rodents. They have itchy-scritchy toe-nails and an uncanny ability to find themselves under your shirt. And worst of all, their average lifespan is two years. Michele hates death. Personally, I think two years is about right. I was so excited to get a hamster when I was 10, but at age 13, I had already grown out of it and moved on to skateboarding and drums. My poor sister decided she wanted birds instead, and the darned things haunted her through middle school and the rest of high school. I think they're still alive now. She couldn't do homework in her room because any time the light was on, the birds tweeted like they were brokers on Wall Street. Pets dying is actually a blessing in disguise. Kids get what they want. Then when kids lose interest, the parents aren't stuck taking care of the darned things for the next twenty years.

So obviously, we have had some difficulty finding common ground. So far, we have only found two possible candidates:

1) Lizards

When Michele lived in Florida, the girl next door found a five-foot lizard and decided to keep it. Somehow, she coaxed the creature into the bathtub where she fed it and kept it moist. Unfortunately, she forgot to tell her mother who decided to take a shower. Later on, they managed to sell the lizard for around $600. Heck, if my kids can turn it into a business, I'll be pretty pleased!

2) Hedgehogs

Aw... c'mon!

Anyways, we have decided that the pet will be named Jabberwocky. Hopefully it is a Boy, since Jabberwocky is not a very good name for a Girl.

Speaking of the Jabberwocky, today we went to the BYU Bookstore (a horrid place that charges through the roof and preys on unsuspecting alumni and visitors) and bought something (you think we'd know better.) Actually, we only spent seven cents. I somehow wound up with a $10 BYU gift card. The bookstore also had a promotion: if you could recite a poem from memory, then you could get 30% off of a children's book. I memorized The Jabberwocky for the occasion, one of the greatest works of literature the world has ever seen. I'm pretty sure that it pokes fun mercilessly at Beowulf, but I could be wrong. Anyways, my recitation went fairly well. I think I forgot a few words, but since most of them are made up anyways, I didn't feel guilty inserting a few of my own. Anyways, we got the discount. Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! We chortled with joy! *(I'm not sure what "burbled" means, but I'm pretty sure baby does it, whatever it is.) Anyways, after eliminating Tuesday, Shark vs. Train, Pingo, and some book about a ballerina mouse, we ended of getting Tea Rex, a practical guide on etiquette when inviting large extinct reptiles to tea parties. Apparently it was released on April 9th, so we are pretty up-to-date on current literature.

Friday night we celebrated Jake's birthday. Jake is Michele's favorite brother who isn't currently serving a mission. Since it was his 18th birthday, naturally we took him bowling at Fat Cats. It was really fun! About halfway through, they dimmed the lights, turned on a bunch of crazy lasers and UV lamps, and blasted really loud music. And best of all....

Yep! That's right. Baby Madeleine weighs MORE than the bowling ball. Way to go, Madeleine!!!

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