Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Why we work as a couple

Usually I just do my own thing and don't do other blogger's challenges,
but this one has me really excited.
Bonnie from Life of Bon challenged her readers for Valentine's Day to write a blog post about why your relationship works.
I love talking about my husband and our relationship, so tada! A blog post.

We work because it's 12:23am and Matt has Madeleine cracking up in the kitchen doing who knows what. He understands that I can only keep sane watching her for 14 hours a day and is more than happy to make up the rest of the time. We know there are limits to what each of us can do. For Matt, that can be turning off an alarm clock or poking him awake, and for me, it's dealing with a crabby baby.

(He was explaining to her his chemistry project while doing dishes with her.)

I hate doing laundry. He's scared of letting other people do his laundry, so he does it all. Perfect match or what?

We work because despite the fact grad school is generally really hard on relationships, we both put our marriage as a top priority. I email him photos of Tiny and articles I find interesting, and he explains to me his Chemistry projects on our white board. He makes a point to include me and I, him. Some days it means putting Madeleine in the car just to drive around the block once while he eats lunch. Other days it means I wait up until 2:30am for him to get home, or him rushing home in time to put Madeleine in bed. It's the little things you know?

We work because we love books. One of our first dates was a trip to the Salt Lake City Library where we read to each other our favorite children's books before hunting for the books that his mother wrote. When we have the time, we read books together so that I have someone to discuss the interesting parts with. Even when we don't have time to read a whole book, we still read and share - usually discussing interesting blog or wikipedia posts. We are fabulous at just doing boring things together, because there is always something new we read that we have to share.


We work because we don't judge each other. We seriously tell each other everything, and it doesn't bother either of us. There is no resentment.

We work because we have a budget. It has reduced so much stress in our marriage and now it is rarely an issue. Matt was a bit too much on the thrifty side when we got married, and I was a bit too much on the spending side, but we have found a balance.  Matt not only knows that sometimes buying stuff is good, but he has becoming an awesome shopper (My birthday gift anyone?). He understands spending money on quality and knows that "if it's not half off, it's not on sale". He versed in all my favorite designers and can tell you all about any of the brands in our home. I, on the other hand, have learned to curve my spending a bit (I really wasn't a huge shopper before, though I do claim window shopping as one of my many talents.) Not only that, I've learned to waste less. I've learned to be more efficient with food and clothing, cutting down cost in a way that I desperately needed when I was single.

We work because on bad days, he brings me a book and chocolates. And on days that he has a big deadline, I bring him pizza and chips (even though I don't approve of the chips).

We are really stubborn, but we hate fighting. When we got married, I told him that I'll be married to him for today and tomorrow. (n+1= infinity) I make it a point to figure out most problems within two days that way we can still sleep it off if the fight gets too heated.

His borderline OCD balances out my ADHD. He is so overly practical, and I'm all over the place with ideas. (Last week I was trying to convince him to let me move to France while he's in grad school). I start projects. He then goes through all my half finished projects, organizes them, finds the missing pieces, and then finishes them. I help him be more spontaneous and excited about life. I remind him that life is for fun and not every "i" has to be dotted on each form. It's weird but wonderful dynamic that works in our marriage in so many ways. It's amazing, especially considering how rough it is to be married to someone with ADHD. 

We work because despite the fact we share just about everything, we respect each others goals and dreams. Matt has few expectations for what I want to do with my life. Number of kids? Stay-at-home v. working? Traveling Europe? Eating at 50 different cupcake places? He doesn't really care. (I asked  him once how many kids he wanted, he said somewhere between 1 and 100. He said he didn't think he could keep 100 names straight.) I love that once I make up my mind, he'll help me make it happen. I helped him get into graduate school and I have a plan ready to help him be prepared for job interviews. His dreams are very different than mine, but two people working on one dream at a time gets a lot more done.

But what it really comes down to is that our marriage works, because we choose to work really hard every single day (even at weird hours of the night. 2 words - teething baby),
and it's hard.
But it has been paying off in perches.
 (A perch is two units bigger than a bushel.)
Marriage has been sweet to us so far, and I hope that doesn't change anytime soon.

(That's the link up if you want more sappy list.)


  1. This post makes me really happy. It's really fun to think about the things that make two people so different also make those same two people work together.

    1. I think so too! That's why I did it. Also, it was interesting to see our brainstorming list. It wasn't what I really expected. :)

  2. You and Matt are some of our favorite people. I wish we lived closer together. Wanna share a white picket fence with me?