Life has been so busy with so many wonderful things. Life is good, and I can't wait to share all that has been happening. But right now I want to quickly share something that has been on my mind for the last week before it disappears.
Last week we upgraded Madeleine to a twin bed. It was time. Matt and I had been discussing it for a month or so. We noticed she was falling out of her bed all the sudden. Partly because of all the toys that she insist on sleeping with and partly because she really just has grown that big. I was dragging my feet a bit with it. I love the size of the baby mattress and once we move up a size...there really isn't any going back. I bought her two pairs of twin sheets but didn't do anything about the mattress for another month or so.
Finally one day I got enough nerve to switch out the mattresses. I was ornery whole time I moved the twin mattress into her room. When I put it down in her room, it immediately felt out of place. It was so large compared to everything else in the room. I grumbled and complained as Madeleine sat in my room watching Tangled. I hated the room and decided everything had to be changed. I was so annoyed. Madeleine must have felt my frustration, because she came out to "help" by trying to organize her toys. After reorganizing all of the closets in the house and Madeleine's room I was finally kind of satisfied with the change.
That night as I stuck her in bed, she was so excited. She jumped onto her mattress laughing. She drug every single one of her musical instruments next to her on her bed. As I tucked her in with her normal baby blankets, they seemed so tiny and out of place on the large mattress. She didn't seem to care as she snuggled right into the blankets and happily fell asleep on her new bed.
|Her new twin size bed|
A few hours later when Matt came home, we checked on her. She was peacefully sprawled across her bed. In that moment, we knew made the right decision. She had been sleeping curled up in a ball on the smaller mattress so that she wouldn't fall off. This was better for her.
I didn't really think much about the mattress again until I was doing the laundry. I sat there on my bed folding her baby sheets for the last time. The tears hit me immediately. When I was pregnant I read this article about remembering the lasts as you celebrate firsts. I knew that this would be the last time I would fold and washed these sheets for her. It was sad for me. It might sound corny, but her bedding was a such big deal for me.
In our first apartment, she didn't have a nursery, since we only had a one room apartment. All she had was a corner with a crib. I was so excited to make her bedding, since that was one of the few ways I could actually prepare for her coming. I agonized over the fabrics for her quilt. I squealed when we put the sheets on for the first time. I first laid her on them when she was small enough that her tiny chest could fit easily in my hand. Over the last fifteen months, I have laid and then later tucked her on that bed hundreds of times. As I tucked her into her mattress for her last nap in her bed, my heart broke a bit. That era of the tiny mattress is over, and it's one I'm going to miss.
Lasts are funny things. It's a lot easier to celebrate firsts. They are exciting and new. But with lasts, I've noticed that I have to give myself a bit of time to pause a recognize them, otherwise I find myself a bit angry when the changes start. But once I grieve for the sweet moments that are ending, I have more room to celebrate the moments that are coming.
I think that's one of the hardest parts of being a mom. Mothers do the same small things over and over again. Sometimes you love it, and sometimes you really resent it. It always seems like that stage will never pass, but when it does, you suddenly you miss it. And after many stages I guess you become one of those well-meaning ladies in the grocery store check out line that are telling you that "It goes by so fast." Moms seem to resent those comments when their kids are screaming in the grocery store, but I think those ladies just understand the importance of lasts and are telling us to enjoy those along with the firsts.