Simplifying and Zero Waste

Back at the beginning of the year, my resolution for August was "Simplify my surroundings". Matt and I have actually been doing this all year. I hate cleaning and he hates a messy house, so my solution was to get rid of stuff. When I told Matt way back when about it, he gave me a hug and told me that he felt like a big burden was taken off he shoulders before grabbing a garbage bag and started throwing out stuff. So we started in January instead of September. 

I'm so glad we did. I greatly underestimated how long it would take and we love having simpler lives. Through this process, we have freed up 2 closets, halved the number of books, clothes, and toys. And then it didn't stop there. We started simplifying other parts of our lives. We've simplified our schedules. Everything that needs to be scheduled with a secretary are only on Mondays and Fridays. Tuesday through Thursdays are for friends, hobbies, and spontaneous adventures. We've simplified our parenting style, our expectations, and our routines, and it's been lovely.

In order to do this, I've read a lot of books and blogs about it, and the result is our goals for our lives have permanently changed. But in the middle of my simplifying journey, I stumbled upon a different lifestyle that has also enriched our lives.

One of the many, many times I was pursuing pinterest, I stumbled across this kitchen. The lady that pinned it said. "This pantry is lovely, though the lady's philosophy is a little extreme."

Well, that got me interested. I clicked through and read about this woman named Bea and her family. She lives a zero-waste life. What does zero-waste mean? Well, this is a picture of her family's trash can for the year. (And yes, she's married with 2 kids.)

 It seemed way too extreme to even think about at the time, but it stuck with me. (Just like RIE parenting, which now I also love). 

A few months later, I visited her page again and saw that she wrote a book. My library even had it. I was so excited to read it that I was a bit annoyed when the person before me had it a month and half overdue. One of my wonderful librarian friends saw that I was eager and sent them a nice email reminding them. Apparently it worked, because the next day that book was in my hands.

It was a fabulous read for me. It wasn't overwhelming. The organization was great and I was motivated to start making small changes in my life. I started off really simple goals. Bring reusable bags to the store. Recycle stuff. Go to the thrift store even if it's a pain. Things I did sometimes that wouldn't kill me to be more consistent.

After a while, we got in the habit. Soon after, other changes came from these tiny actions. We started biking 5 miles to the grocery store. We started eating local. We have a small compost pile to take out in our kitchen. (Princeton is really awesome so we have a compost area by the community garden.) We started bringing tupperware for things to be weighed out in. 

It was really interesting for me to see that as I started to try to eliminate trash from our home that our home has drastically changed in many areas. (If you are wondering no we aren't even close to being like Bea. We still taking out trash and using disposable diapers.) We have a different perspective about food. (We picked apples from our local farm, made applesauce, and are getting ready to can for the first time.) I started enjoying cooking again. I buy mainly from etsy now. I haven't shopped on amazon in so long that I even forgot the password.  I prefer to buy things etsy "local" than a big box. (I also found especially for quilting supplies that it's a lot cheaper!) Matt and I now discuss what we like in our home and what is pretty instead of what is practical.

I think a great example of how we have change is when we went shopping this week. While we were checking out, Matt looked at me, and said, "Wow. We've gotten crunchy." I looked as he explained how we not only brought our own bags, but we had containers from home for our bulk goods. We also didn't have as much produce since I had already bought some from our local farm store and from our garden. Now I have really crunchy friends, and I don't think I come even close to them, but it made me smile. We have come a long way, and it's been a journey that I've been really enjoying.

I'm really excited to see where this simplifying/zero waste things leads us. Right now it's lead me to my new September goals. And I'm pleased to say that not only have I been "sugar free" for 5 days, but my energy is back to normal!

So tell me, what have you been exploring and reading about?

Year 3

We made it another year! Three years! In some ways I can't believe it's been that long, but at the same time we've done so much. We've moved twice, had a baby, graduated college, bought a car, started graduate school, and got out of debt. That's pretty awesome!

This year I had to get a bit creative. We didn't do much last year or our first year, so I wanted to do something a bit special. Madeleine has been teething, so while I'm usually okay with taking her to a restaurant, I figured we wouldn't see each other much. One of us would constantly be chasing her down or taking her out. So instead, I made our living room into a restaurant.  

It was a bit of work. We usually have our dinning room stuff in the closet. We can't fit our couch and our table in the same room. I ended up putting the couch in the closet (yay for small couches!) along with our piano. :)

Then I got working on decorating.

I named it and made a sign.

Madeleine helped me put up lights around the window and unset the table.

We found some candles at the thrift store along with some china and glasses.

I pulled out the cards that were part of our center pieces at our wedding. Some have engagement pictures, others have random facts and stories.

I used our coffee table to display photos.

We got Outback take out for dinner. While Matt and I chowed down on that, Madeleine had olives. Lots and lots of olives. Then it was time for our family's birthday cake! 3 years old!!! Madeleine had been wanting this thing all day. Every time I opened the fridge she would stand on her tip toes and starts say "ca ca ca" and then try to pick off the chocolate swirls. She started saying "oh wow" when I brought it to the table. 

We each blew out a candle.

Madeleine practiced blowing candles out all week in preparation.

Then we took some family photos and watched the sunset. While we were outside, the rain stopped and a rainbow appeared. It was pretty cool. (Madeleine: "Oh wow!!!") We had to stop family photos outside since the camera wasn't nearly as cool as the rainbow.

This was the best one with all of us in it. :)

We ended the night with watching The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. 

It was a fun family night. :) Over the last 3 years we have grown up a lot, and Matt and I are both pretty proud of what we have accomplished so far. We are happy and enjoying our lives together. Can't wait to see what the next year brings. 

Sweet Gifts

Last year for Mother's Day, Matt was so good at surprising me that I had a break down and cried because I thought he had forgot. Madeleine was five months old, and I told Matt that I did deserve some recognition because this motherhood thing was just so hard. And even if Mother's Day was just a halmark holiday, I still wanted extra love and attention so that I knew that someone appreciated me, because Madeleine sure didn't act like she did.  (Little did I know that Madeleine would become a much easier baby in a matter of days. haha)

Looking back at those thoughts just make me smile. I've grown so much in this last year. This year mother's day really was a celebration. Madeleine is a cute little sixteen month old who is happy and usually pretty sweet. Having a celebration for Mother's day wasn't nearly as important this year as last year, but Matt still surprised me and went out of his way to make it a great day. 

Matt was such a sweet husband. Despite the fact he didn't get to sleep til 6:00AM, he still woke up at 9:30 and made french toast for me. (Probably my very favorite breakfast foods). He then dressed Madeleine up in her Easter dress and had her carry my present to me. 

She did a great job of bringing to me, but she wouldn't give it to me. She sat next to me on the bed clutching it and not let me touch it, so I had to wait a while to open it. In the mean while I "read" my card.

I was thrilled. I think most women would be pretty excited to get a Tiffany's necklace for Mother's Day, but I was even more touched because it crossed off an item on my 20's bucket list. 

"Own something from Tiffany's"

Okay, so maybe a bit shallow for a bucket list item, but I really wanted something from there. I was planning on running the Nike's Women half marathon to get something from Tiffany's. (That's what you get instead of a medal.) Matt thought that was a bad idea and wanting to save me the pain just got me this instead. He also said that it was really from Madeleine for being her mom.

No matter what the reason, it's lovely.

We ended the day skyping with our siblings that are all over the world. Mollie is in Chile. Anna is in Brazil, and Riley in LA. :)

It was wonderful day.

I hope yours was too!

The Graduate School Family Series: Our budget

So today we are talking about our budget. We love it. It is good for us. As I mentioned in "Choosing a Grad School", we drew up a budget before we even chose which school we were going to. 

But before you have a budget...you need a source of money.

Now...if you are getting a masters, dental school, law school, or medical school, most of the time you are going to have to take out loans or have a company that you work for pay for it. There are scholarships too depending on what your field is, so don't forget to apply for those. After you have done that, figure out how much you qualify for and set a reasonable budget.

**Hint..if you are still in undergraduate and you don't need loans, get the subsidized loans if you can. The interest rate is 0% which is way lower than the graduate school loans. Also you still won't have to pay interest until you are done with your education.**

If you are getting a Phd, the school is probably giving you funding. I don't know of any Phd programs will not give you money to live. It might not be much, but at least it's something. Some schools give you plenty to live on. Some like Princeton give you enough to scrape by, and others you might be eating ramen every day of your life. Another thing to check is if your funding is for the full year or not. At Princeton, Matt's is full year, but for our friends in humanities, theirs are just for 9 months. It doesn't have to be a big deal, but it's something you should know.

And that's it for getting money.

And now for our budget! Tada!!

From Matt's stipend, we get $2,400 a month (after church tithes).

Rent is $984, which leaves us with $1416.

We decided to split the $1416 in half.

Matt and I each "get" $708. We each have our own responsibilities with our portions.

Matt's responsibilities are to cover utilities, health insurance, renters insurance, car insurance, life insurance, and long term debt. Whatever is left over goes to long term savings. 

My portion is the more traditional budget. I have to cover food, clothing, gas, activities, and other small bills and purchases. If there is any remaining, it goes in short term savings account.

Long term saving is money that we hope we don't need to touch. If we ever have a catastrophic event (like major car repair, major hospital bills, or large increase in living cost), then we will dip into our long term savings. Otherwise, this money is off limits, and we keep it in CDs just to make sure we really don't touch it. 

Short term savings always has $1,000 in it, in case of any medium expenses, like a computer or new tires. Anything over that is fair game for any large non-essential purchases or vacations. For example, our piano came from short term savings.

So breakdown in numbers...

Matt                                                                           Me

Utilities: $150                                                        Photoshop: $23

Health insurance: $85                                                  Amazon Prime: $6

Life insurance: $22                                                    Food ~ $200 a month

Car insurance: $102                                                    Gas ~ $80

Renter insurance: $24                                                  Baby supplies ~ $50

Student loans: $120                                                    Clothes ~ $60

Car: $0!!! (paid it off!)                                              Activities ~ $180

                                                           Misc - whatever is left over usually

Total: $503                                                                   $708

So usually we can put $200 in long term savings and on good months about $40 into short term savings.

Miscellaneous really kills any chance of saving large amounts into short term. This month we needed a new cutting board since our other one split, a new dust pan, drop off dry cleaning, and our knives needed to get sharpened. Oh and I kind of drove to DC. :)

This budget has worked really well for us. We very rarely fight over money, and while our budget may seem tight, it actually gives us quite a bit of freedom. We do to have to make choices, since we can't have everything, but in many ways these limitations have been a blessing. It's kind of weird to think that I actually mean that, but I really do. 

By having limited money, each major purchase or change to our budget is carefully examined by both Matt and me. We look at our long term goals. We look at our short term goals. We talk about what we can and cannot live without. We look at different possibilities and then very carefully make our decision. 

This process has drastically changed our goals and has enriched our marriage. Our communication is better. We are more creative. We have the opportunity to frequently discuss each other goals and dreams. It has made us more grateful and less stressed.

I'm going to be breaking down my portion of the budget in the next few post in this series.

Let me know if you have any question. :) I really love talking about this stuff.

The Grad School Family Series

Choosing a school

Moving
Insurances

Our budget

Buying furniture and clothes

Menu planning and food management

Shopping for food

Affording a baby

Entertainment

Making friends

Family Time

Travel

3 years ago

3 years ago yesterday we got engaged.

We didn't do anything special for the occasion, but we did go on a walk as a family before church.

There is this wildlife preserve near our church building with a trail next to the canal that we walked down. It was cold and muddy, but Madeleine was thrilled for some reason. Matt and I were just happy that we got out of the house for a bit. One of our new goals as a family is to play outside more together.

The trail was pretty in a dead way. It was really quiet with the occasional hard core runner panting by every so often. Apparently it is over 10 miles long. We got maybe half a mile before turning back to get ready for church. Part of it loops right by our current apartment, so maybe next time we'll explore that part.

Matt and I were content watched our offspring run on all over the trail. It took a good five minutes for her to realize that the water was only a few feet away. She then held our hands for a bit but it didn't take long for her to get tired of that. At that point, Matt just threw her on his shoulders.

Matt and I were talking about our engage-aversary later. When he asked me to marry him, neither of us had any idea what our lives would be like even in the next year. We just knew that whatever the future was that we wanted to do it together. We are both happy and content now three years later. We love each other and our cute offspring. Both Matt and I have been working hard at our faults and problem areas of our marriage, and right now future is looking pretty wonderful. 

(We tried to take a few family photos. We were only able to take four before we got too cold...and this was sadly the best one)

Part of me feels silly for celebrating all of these random milestones. But I think it's good to have random dates to do a check up on our marriage. It's nice to think back to when it all started, and right now it's even nicer to see where we are.

Why we work as a couple

Usually I just do my own thing and don't do other blogger's challenges,

but this one has me really excited.
Bonnie from Life of Bon challenged her readers for Valentine's Day to write a blog post about why your relationship works.

I love talking about my husband and our relationship, so tada! A blog post.

We work because it's 12:23am and Matt has Madeleine cracking up in the kitchen doing who knows what. He understands that I can only keep sane watching her for 14 hours a day and is more than happy to make up the rest of the time. We know there are limits to what each of us can do. For Matt, that can be turning off an alarm clock or poking him awake, and for me, it's dealing with a crabby baby.

(He was explaining to her his chemistry project while doing dishes with her.)

I hate doing laundry. He's scared of letting other people do his laundry, so he does it all. Perfect match or what?

We work because despite the fact grad school is generally really hard on relationships, we both put our marriage as a top priority. I email him photos of Tiny and articles I find interesting, and he explains to me his Chemistry projects on our white board. He makes a point to include me and I, him. Some days it means putting Madeleine in the car just to drive around the block once while he eats lunch. Other days it means I wait up until 2:30am for him to get home, or him rushing home in time to put Madeleine in bed. It's the little things you know?

We work because we love books. One of our first dates was a trip to the Salt Lake City Library where we read to each other our favorite children's books before hunting for the books that his mother wrote. When we have the time, we read books together so that I have someone to discuss the interesting parts with. Even when we don't have time to read a whole book, we still read and share - usually discussing interesting blog or wikipedia posts. We are fabulous at just doing boring things together, because there is always something new we read that we have to share.

.-

We work because we don't judge each other. We seriously tell each other everything, and it doesn't bother either of us. There is no resentment.

We work because we have a budget. It has reduced so much stress in our marriage and now it is rarely an issue. Matt was a bit too much on the thrifty side when we got married, and I was a bit too much on the spending side, but we have found a balance.  Matt not only knows that sometimes buying stuff is good, but he has becoming an awesome shopper (My birthday gift anyone?). He understands spending money on quality and knows that "if it's not half off, it's not on sale". He versed in all my favorite designers and can tell you all about any of the brands in our home. I, on the other hand, have learned to curve my spending a bit (I really wasn't a huge shopper before, though I do claim window shopping as one of my many talents.) Not only that, I've learned to waste less. I've learned to be more efficient with food and clothing, cutting down cost in a way that I desperately needed when I was single.

We work because on bad days, he brings me a book and chocolates. And on days that he has a big deadline, I bring him pizza and chips (even though I don't approve of the chips).

We are really stubborn, but we hate fighting. When we got married, I told him that I'll be married to him for today and tomorrow. (n+1= infinity) I make it a point to figure out most problems within two days that way we can still sleep it off if the fight gets too heated.

His borderline OCD balances out my ADHD. He is so overly practical, and I'm all over the place with ideas. (Last week I was trying to convince him to let me move to France while he's in grad school). I start projects. He then goes through all my half finished projects, organizes them, finds the missing pieces, and then finishes them. I help him be more spontaneous and excited about life. I remind him that life is for fun and not every "i" has to be dotted on each form. It's weird but wonderful dynamic that works in our marriage in so many ways. It's amazing, especially considering how rough it is to be married to someone with ADHD. 

We work because despite the fact we share just about everything, we respect each others goals and dreams. Matt has few expectations for what I want to do with my life. Number of kids? Stay-at-home v. working? Traveling Europe? Eating at 50 different cupcake places? He doesn't really care. (I asked  him once how many kids he wanted, he said somewhere between 1 and 100. He said he didn't think he could keep 100 names straight.) I love that once I make up my mind, he'll help me make it happen. I helped him get into graduate school and I have a plan ready to help him be prepared for job interviews. His dreams are very different than mine, but two people working on one dream at a time gets a lot more done.

But what it really comes down to is that our marriage works, because we choose to work really hard every single day (even at weird hours of the night. 2 words - teething baby),
and it's hard.
But it has been paying off in perches.
 (A perch is two units bigger than a bushel.)
Marriage has been sweet to us so far, and I hope that doesn't change anytime soon.

(That's the link up if you want more sappy list.)

The conversation that changed our marriage

Matt and I both think the transition into our marriage was easy. One day we had a lot of roommates of the same gender, the next just one of the opposite gender. It really wasn't that big of deal.

Now that doesn't mean we don't have fights.

We had our first fight on our honeymoon. Matt wanted to catch up on our finances and was a bit distressed when he discovered we went over budget for our trip.We fought. I cried, but within an hour or so it blew over.

Money was a big issue our first year of marriage, but now two years later, it's something we rarely fight about. We found a groove (oh...and a job.)

We've had many problems that we have been able to find a solution to, but one that was a really difficult problem was cleaning.

You see, I have ADHD.

A messy house doesn't bother me.

Matt was borderline OCD when we got married.

He had to have the house clean.

Hence the problem.

When we first got married, his solution was just to clean everything himself.

But as the school work piled on, he would be up until 3-4 in the morning cleaning up our house.

It drove me nuts. He never had time for me. His solution was that I should help out more.

And I tried, but after a day or two, I'd quit.

Through the next two years of our marriage, we tried different tactics.

He got more lenient. The house could be a bit mess. I tried harder to keep it clean. But it still wasn't working.

I wasn't happy with the cleaning, and it was still messier than he liked.

Each solution we came up with was like a shoe that slightly pinches.

We just couldn't come up with a solution that fit us just right.

Then two or three weeks ago, we were talking about love languages. We were discussing how we try to express love to each other other than saying "I love you." It was just one of those cute and fluffy conversations couples have until I said,

"Like I'm expressing love for you, when I put away the laundry."

Matt: "Yeah, and then you point it out and expect me to compliment you on it when I get home. The thing is that someone has to put away the laundry; it's not like you're just doing it for me."
Me: "Yes, I am."
Matt: "Wait, in my absence, you would never put away laundry?"
Me: "I'd probably just leave them there until the hamper was empty of clean clothes, and then scoop up all the dirty clothes on the floor, wash them, and repeat the cycle."
Matt (clearly baffled by this point): "I don't get it, for someone who loves nice clothing so much, doesn't it bother you to see them all over floor."

Me: "Honestly, I don't even really notice."

Matt: "WHAT?!"

Me: "Well, as long as I can do what I need to do in the room, messes don't bother me. That's why I'm so bothered by a messy kitchen. When the dishes aren't done, I can't cook or eat."
Matt: "So let me get this straight, you derive absolutely no pleasure from having a clean house? It doesn't make you an ounce happier to see it neat and tidy versus...the way it looks right now?"

Me: "Nope! Why would I waste my life cleaning when I could be doing something more fun?"

That was a turning point.

We haven't fought over cleaning since then.

The house has been cleaner than normal.

Matt helps me do the dishes most nights before bed.

He gives me extra compliments when I clean now,

which makes me want to clean more.
The solution actually really simple, I didn't need an elaborate (or even simple) chore chart.

Matt didn't need to clean the whole house every day by himself.

Weirdly enough, the solution was as simple as understanding each other.

(See that little black thing in my hand? It's a toy for my camera that Matt bought me so I can use my tripod more. It just came in yesterday. I think between Christmas photos and the pictures I did with Madeleine and me, he felt bad that I had to use the timer.)

Why I got married

Yesterday, I helped Matt teach his Sunday School class.

He teaches the 14-17 year olds every other week.

(Actually, I forgot something at home, but I still don't know how to get to church.

So Matt had to run home for me.)

The topic for this month is "Marriage and Family" and

 yesterday's topic was "the importance of marriage."

I walked in and asked them,

"Why should you get married?"

They kind of looked and mumbled at me for a while.

Not really having an answer.

None of the ten kids sitting in front of me had a reason

 why they would get married.

I kind of feel many people my age are a bit like those kids.

A few weeks ago at the playgroup in my complex the mom's were talking about this topic.

One of the ladies said that she only got married, because her husband wouldn't let her have a kid unless they were.

She talked about how she was actually quite upset with him about it.

She didn't want a wedding and that was the only difference she saw between getting married and living together.

She said now though that she had been married for 4 years that she was glad he said that.

She said she didn't know why, but now she feels that marriage just makes it easier.

Another mom piped up and said she felt the same way.

She got married because her mom expected it and she thought a wedding would be fun.

I didn't say anything during this conversation.

I wasn't really sure what to say.

Marriage is the way my family does things.

It's part of my religion.

I never doubted that I would get married.

(And I definitely didn't get married for wedding)

But now a few weeks later I did have a response to those teenagers.

It might not be the best response, but it's why I wanted to get married.

I got married because it's a legal commitment and the more commitment the better.

I got married because I think God wants us too.

I got married because I feel that a marriage is the best way to raise kids.

I got married because I want to be like those old couples who have been married for over 60 years and still like each other.

I got married because I like having a piece of paper on the wall saying that Matt Nielsen is mine for all time and eternity. 

(It really is on our wall.)

I like how entwined our lives are.

I like watching Matt being a dad.

I like loving him and not feeling insecure when I get mad at him.

I like the way my life has been for the last 2 years,

and that's because I decided to get married.

Thanks for asking me to marry you honey.

Thanks for planning the wedding with me.

Thanks for showing up.

Happy Anniversary.

(Matt addendum:)

During the lesson, Michele made an interesting comment; "These days, marriage is only cool if you are gay." This isn't intended to insult or offend anyone, just an observation about society. I got married because I wanted to keep Michele forever. Kind of selfish I guess but it's true. I think marriage is important because it symbolizes deep and enduring commitment. The kind that rides out rapids and weathers storms and doesn't take off when things get uncomfortable. I think that the deepest fear of many people is loneliness. Being married, I know that there is always someone who has my back.

French

One of my things on my bucket list for my 20's is learn French.

I started yesterday this program that our library offers for free.

Matt can't stop laughing at me.

Hopefully if I ever go to France they'll just think I'm a mute.

(Baby lost the memory card...hence the lack of cool posts)

10-versery

10 years ago...

I walked into the church building in Cupertino, California.

My heart sank as soon as I walked in.

It was so empty.

It seemed like maybe half the rows had a person or two in them.

The rest were empty.

It has a hard move, since we just moved from Florida less than 2 years before.

But a lot of good came from it.

I made a lot of great friends, 

and my junior and senior year of high school were two of the best years of my life.

The best thing was I met this guy.

(Matt would like to point out that he doesn't normally look this weird. In this ancient photo, the rest of which has been unfortunately omitted, Matt was actually skateboarding, doing a 50-50 on a bike rack to be precise.)

It wasn't love at first sight or second...or even third.

My journal November 2003
(Matt apparently only cracked his knuckles when he was nervous (around girls))

Maybe Matt is somewhere in this picture.

According to my journal he was there... he just didn't want to dance.

So we were supposed to dance together, we just talked instead.

(We didn't dance together until after we were married for a few months)

It actually took us running into each other again in college for us to fall in love.

(There isn't actually a picture of us together way back then.)

Lucky for me, Matt wrote nicer things about me in his journals...

He basically says that he missed me! Pretty sweet of him. 

And here...he called me cool. 

10 years later...

we are married.

With our tiny.

Across the country.

My half birthday

We celebrate half birthdays with half of a cookie sundae.

Matt was even sweet enough to bring me home some cake too. :)

(They do chocolate and orange "tiger" cake here at Princeton.)

Matt sent me a text message while I was at the store tonight.

It said, "I have cake."

Then my phone died.

I knew from those few words though that he needed me to pick him up.

That's our marriage in a nutshell.

Madeleine hung out in her bouncer with my keys, 

while we celebrated.